Adamo ed Eva, la prima storia d’amore

In Lose the skin, Paprika Chips on April 1, 2014 at 9:59 pm

Titel:  Adamo ed Eva, la prima storia d’amore (Adam and Eve) 
Production: Italy/Spain 1983
Director: Enzo Doria
Cast: Mark Gregory, Andrea Goldman, Ángel Alcázar
Run Time: 86min
Circulation: PAL DVDr
Generation/Source: DVD Master
Language: Italian, English
Subtitles: English

A LuigiBastardo project about which he says:
In March of 1983, as the rest of the world waited eagerly to discover just whether or not Jedi would return or revenge, Italian filmmakers Enzo Doria and Luigi Russo (aka (as Vincent Green and John Wilder) – still puzzled over how they could cash in on the success of something so monumentally bad as Blue Lagoon – decided to make yet another bad “two people naked in a lush tropical paradise together” flick (their previous collaboration having been Blue Island). And they succeeded. On many accounts. Drawing inspiration from something scholars like to refer to as The Bible, these clowns beget an amazingly-atrocious eyesore of a moving picture that was actually released in the US (as a direct-to-video wonder, of course) as BLUE PARADISE. Them lucky Europeans, however, were to know this shitfest by its original title (or an English translation thereof) – ADAM AND EVE: THE FIRST LOVE STORY. But better still, naturally, was the exploitative bootleg video (re-)release of this exploitation gem: ADAM & EVE VS. THE CANNIBALS!

Yes, that’s right, the first man and woman somehow meet up with several bizarre, primitive tribes with a knack for human flesh – never mind the fact that the human race had just been created (hey, why waste time, right?).

But I’m getting ahead of myself. Here, the great Mark Gregory – whom Fred Williamson affectionately recounted being so light on his loafers that he couldn’t leave a footprint behind in the snow – disproves the aforementioned remark by his 1990: The Bronx Warriors co-star by actually doing so in his mad trek to find paradise once again after his bitchy queen of a deity-created bride, Eve (Andrea Goldman, who, from some reason, never made another film) gets them both tossed out after an incident involving a piece of fresh fruit. Thrust out of their world by stock footage and the most ridiculous-looking boulder ever, Adam and Eve soon find themselves in a harsh land besieged by bizarre weather patterns, more stock footage, man-eating men and animals alike, a sorry-looking pterodactyl, and an even sorrier-looking “bear”. All this plus copious amounts of nudity/skin from our leads, co-star Ángel Alcázar (as a primitive man who has the hots for Eve), a Guido e Maurizio De Angelis soundtrack with portions shamelessly lifted from Alien 2: On Earth, and a mind-numbingly god-awful sappy theme song (“My First Love” by Tanja Solnik) so heinous that each and every commitment-phobic individual out there should express as their ideal wedding song just so they’ll never have to worry about actually having to tie the knot.

I mean, really, kids: it doesn’t get any better than this. Especially when your Uncle Luigi takes the time out to synch up the English-dubbed soundtrack from the NTSC VHS to an Italian DVD he ordered online especially for you. And this fandub was a real bitch, let me tell you: the analog source was stretched out in a lot of places (not to mention you can hear the dialogue very faintly several seconds before it is actually supposed to be – and is – heard), and since I’m something of a perfectionist and try to use every single millisecond of sound I can from each track I choose to use – to say nothing of the fact the audio program I use is motherfucking Goldwave(!) – it made it a bit difficult at times. In fact, I downright cheated and kept one segment with the original dialogue-less Italian audio; go ahead, see if I care that you probably won’t notice! I also had to loop some music once or twice which – again – is something that will probably go unnoticed.

As a side note, I should point out that the US home video version added in superfluous nature stock footage (yes, they added more!) to pad the already-painful runtime out even further. *In other words, don’t go deleting that VHSRip just yet!*

Now then, with that bit of rambling out of the way, this Custom DVD is a simple re-encoding of the original PAL DVD-5, with the English audio track I used was culled from superape’s VHSRip and English subtitles created for this film by corvusalbus added. Both the original Italian audio and subtitle tracks are also included as secondary items (sorry, my Italian friends – fandubber’s prerogative!). The disc’s menus and extra (a quickie slideshow with two pieces of artwork) have been retained in their entirety.

(Sadly, my re-authoring attempts resulted in the chapter stops not being present on this disc, so please take note of that, folks.)

And so, to tally up:

Audio Options:
1. English 2.0 (from a VHSRip provided by superapeDonated £18)
2. Italian 2.0 (from the official Italian DVD)

Subtitle Options:
1. English (courtesy corvusalbus)
2. Italian (from the official Italian DVD)


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